Observations, Oddities, and Pro – Con Nouns in 2022

‘Vaccine’ no longer means ‘immunity’, it now means ‘protection’. I reckon they ought to say, ‘Protection Mandate’, that way people will understand more better.

 

I always thought Math was fair and impartial, but I learnt it ain’t got no ‘Equity’ cause it’s racist. I’m okay with that; never did like math no how.

 

Hanging out in my safe space.

Apparently, some folks are against he/ she pronouns. I reckon we ought to call these new made-up ones, con-nouns. (Seriously, if you have an issue with pronouns, please assign yourself numbers for he/ she instead of stupid made-up words or they and them.

 

I hear’d a gal on the TV say a human baby ain’t got no sex when it’s born. Well, I learnt a long time ago not to argue with or get mad at a person who has a perpetual vacancy above the shoulders.

 

Free Preschool? Well, Preschool is dumb and making it free is dumber. If’n you wanted the dang kid, you should stay home wit it or don’t have no kids. (FYI – it ain’t free. Hint: Guess where a portion of your soon-to-be higher property taxes will be going?)

 

Free College? That’s even more stupid. Going to college is a choice. Going to the Casino is a choice; can someone give me money to do that?

 

gaslight/ gaslighting: manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity. This ain’t nothing new. Mother’s have been doing this to their daughters for a long time. It’s true, truly. I have seen it with my own eyes!

 

This year, I hear’d a lot about cancel culture and free speech. Well, we don’t know nothing ‘bout all that here in the sticks, and we ain’t never cared nothing ‘bout them new-fangled things no how.  

 

Jimmy hear’d someone say, ‘Ghosted’, and when he asked me what it meant, I told him I didn’t know, but I suggested he ought to check twice under the bed from now on before going to sleep at night.

 

“jimmy, I reckon some pretentious, sanctimonious folks will be ghosting us soon.”

 

“No problem, I still have my Ghost-Buster backpack.”

 

“Good job, jimmy.”

-jk-

 

Articulacy

     I exist in the breath of humanity, building castles with words, creating vast empires of stories, and imagining impossibilities.  

 

     I dwell in a place where creativity has no color, no religion, only boundless thoughts of absurdities to explore.

 

     I strive to be the embodiment of all things peculiar and extraordinary.

 

      Imagination is the facilitator of my originality, and it constantly coerces my mind to create.

 

      Time is my enemy, and words are my loyal ally.

 

      I accept my impulsive scribbles shall forever be judged by those who seek to be entertained.

 

      And nor shall I plea for clemency or absolution for what I have written or for what I have said, I ask only for your tolerance.

 

      The chronicles of my stories, ideas, and yarns I have amassed simply serve as the epitaph of my existence.

 

      And when my time is done, on my stone, the truth and sincerity of my life shall be carved for all to see:

                             

                             Explorer of Expressive Sovereignty

He was lost, but a chorus of words saved his soul. He was the dreamer, who resided in the Fortress of Imagination.

-jk-

The Infamous Cookie Heist

It had been a long and sleepless night. I lifted up my head and saw the perfection of dawn, giving light to a new day, though it would not stay perfect for very long. Out over the field of battle, where so many had fallen, the horde of evil underworld Cobblers had rallied during the night and were once again marching toward our weakened defenses.

The few of us who had survived their relentless attacks, stood firm on the ramparts, fearless and resolute. Nary a soul among the brave warriors of Snicker Doddle City, including me, didn't know who stole the chocolate chip cookies from the King of the Cobblers cookie jar, though after three days of fighting we realized he was really upset about it. Thankfully, Molly the Baker and Candle Stick Maker was able to replicate their secret chocolate chip cookie recipe. She made several batches of cookies and gave them to the Cobbler army before they attacked again. 

Snicker Doddle City was saved!

 

However, Bob, King of the Cobblers, still wanted Fred, Mayor of Snicker Doddle City, to find the person who stole the cookies. The King declared his army would not leave until the thief was apprehended. After a thorough search, by detective Doris, the cookie thief was found. It was Pete the Dirt Collector.

Pete was immediately turned over to the Cobbler police force. Two days later, a Cobbler court found him guilty and sentenced him to eat five jelly donuts every day for three hundred years while standing in a pot of hot, liquid chocolate.

 

Stealing cookies from the cookie jar is a serious crime.

 

The end.

How to with Imagination

Imagination and creativity are powerful. Without either one, 

there would be no wheel or car a radio. Although, I suspect the 

first person who decided to slice bread was considered a heretic.

 

I use Neptunian logic, which is somewhat like Plutonian logic and 

proportionally equal to circular adverbs, to conduct creative 

semantics. In other words, I use my imagination to create 

pages of words I hope someone will be kind enough to read.

 

I stepped in some matter.

Does it really matter if we have matter?

 

Never mind . . . moving on.

 

There are thousands of ‘how to’ books and if everyone did exactly

what the ‘how to’ books says, the world would be a perfect place;

correct? Of course that’s correct. The people who wrote the ‘how

to’ books are now rich and all rich people are smart; correct? Of

course not.

 

But is a ‘how to’ book on imagination even possible?

Yes! It would be full of blank pages - room for plenty of 

imagination.

 

I think ‘how to’ books destroy creativity. Following a 

‘how to’ book makes us all the same. I prefer creative people 

who are always thinking outside the box. 

 

Yes, I know ‘how to’ books are supposed to help us not make

the same mistakes over and over again, but humanity keeps 

making the same mistakes despite the ‘how to’ books.

 

So, either most of us are idiots, . . . or a large portion of people

prefer to go their own way and don’t care if they make mistakes.

 

And furthermore, Blah, Blah, Blah, and Yadda, Yadda, Yadda.

 

I write blog posts because I need to dump excess information

and also because, I stare at a monitor and 4 walls for six days a 

week, doing nothing but thinking about stuff to add into a novel. 

On the seventh day, the guard turns on the computer and allows 

me to type my thoughts.

 

I am currently reading a ‘how to’ book about how to accept

people for who they are, because quite frankly, expecting people

to change is pointless, and I find it easier to simply tolerate their

lack of desire to improve themselves.

 

I have no desire to improve myself, and I hope everyone

is kind enough to tolerate my stupidity.

"I forgive you," Mr. Kafka

"What for, jimmy?"

"For being stupid, Mr. Kafka."

"What did I do that was stupid?"

"Mr. Kafka, a bread toaster cannot boil water!"

"How do you know until you try it?"

"UGH! You need professional help, Mr. Kafka."

"I know, jimmy, that's why I reading 'How to be an electrician'."

"We're going to need more candles, Mr. Kafka."

"Nah, just throw some wood on the stove and light the burners."

 Have a great imaginative day!

-jk-

 

 

Cleaning the Garage

Finally, a good day for Cleaning the Garage!

It’s that time of the year again, and one we all truly hate, . . . 

sorting through all the priceless junk in the garage.

I hope I have the courage to trash some of it. Hey, it’s hard

throwing away stuff that reminds me of the person I used to be,

but unfortunately, I need the space for the really awesome new

junk I just bought.

It’s a necessary evil that must be done.

Be brave. You can do this!

Wearing old clothes is trendy!

I opened the door and peered into the abyss, ‘the garage

from hell’ and fearlessly stared at the graveyard of ‘I can’t throw

that away’, and the boxes of good intentions and ridiculous

projects that I promised I would do, eventually. 

But the garage is a mess and the car barely squeezes in.

Cobwebs, stacks of boxes, piles of bags, and a workbench

covered with objects that shout, “What in the world possessed

you to save that.”

Despite my desire to be somewhere else, I reluctantly entered. I

quietly walked toward the wall of boxes on the left. Fearing I

might wake the demons that are sleeping inside, I gently grabbed

the smallest box on top, opened it, and timidly peered inside.

“Ahhh! I remember this stuff!”

It was filled old love letters from my High School girlfriends. Do not start reading them! Trash before the wife finds them!

I grabbed the next box. It was labeled, ‘Magazines with Great Garden Ideas’. I ain’t gonna open that because what’s inside is pure evil. The next box was marked, ‘Good Times’. This box I’ll open. Hmm, empty bottles of rum. If they could talk, the stories would be worthy of a future memoir to be written. Nah, no one would read it – trash.

Time to tackle the box filled with all my trophies and great accomplishments. I’ll just remark this box as: ‘Things to go into my mausoleum’, along with the box of my old military uniforms.

Golf Clubs! Um, I might play again someday.

Yikes, a box labeled: Captured monsters who hid under my bed. DO NOT OPEN! 

On to the pile of bags!

Hmm, T-shirts I just had to have. Save; I’ll use them as rags. A small bag of pennies. Give to the Grandkids. A bag of old newspapers. Trash. A bag of miscellaneous Christmas light bulbs. Trash. A bag of old Christmas cards. Trash. A bag of postcards from all the places I went. Save for mausoleum. A bag of coupons from the eighties. Trash.

Finally, I can see the shelves!

A jar of leftover nuts and bolts. Save. A jar of rubber washers. Save.

My old train set! I wonder if the wife will let me set this up in the spare room. I doubt it. Save for mausoleum. Old cans of paint. Yuk! Trash. Fishing rods and tackle box; I haven’t gone fishing in over ten years. Trash. Commodore-64 computer. Trash. A stack of empty coffee cans – save and use them for the nuts and bolts and rubber washers and the rest will be good for future small stuff.

I then glanced over at the right side of the garage.

Spare tire from my 1979 Chevy. Save. 4 broken BB-guns. Trash. Why do I have 4 ladders, 9 snow shovels, 5 rakes, 17 umbrellas, a stack of brown paper bags, 36 pairs of the wife’s old running shoes, 16 extension cords, 12 coolers, 2 broken chairs, 3 artificial Christmas trees, and 14 different sized pipe wrenches hanging on the wall. UGH!

On to the work bench. Nope, not going to touch anything on it, because I know, scattered somewhere amid the junk, there is a great idea just patiently waiting for me to promise I’ll do it tomorrow.

Whew! Time for a break. Maybe next week, I’ll clean out my

office, . . . doubtful.

“Mr. Kafka.”

“Yes, jimmy?”

“You didn’t trash any of it. You just restacked everything.”

“I just couldn’t do it. The memories. The great ideas.”

“Blah, blah, blah. Mr. Kafka, you’re a coward.”

“Hey, at least now it looks organized.”

“Whatever, I’m exhausted. Time for a nap.”

“Good idea, jimmy. I’ll join you.”

-jk-

If You Don't Know Don't Ask

A funny thing happened when I went to get my free vaccine, well, some people didn't think it was very funny.

Two days ago, I went to get my free vaccine and what happened next was interesting and a little painful. 

"Hello, my name is James Kafka; I'm here to get my free vaccine."

"Great! have a seat and roll up your sleeve, Mr. Kafka."

"Roll up my sleeve? No, no, no. I'm not here to get a shot. I just want a vial of the vaccine."

"Um, a . . . is this a joke? Sir, I just can't give you a vial of the vaccine."

"The sign outside says, 'Free Vaccine'."

"Yes, but that doesn't mean we're handing out vials of the vaccine to the public . . . um, a, why do you want one?"

"I want to see what's in it."

"Are you a scientist, Mr. Kafka, or a doctor?"

"Nope. I'm a retired parental domestic engineer. I bought a microscope, and I thought it might be a good idea to check out the vaccine before you put it into my body."

"Hmm, . . . don't move. I'll be right back, Mr. Kafka."

15 minutes later, four guys in black suits showed up.

They asked me a lot of questions. I attempted to explain myself, but it was obvious that they didn't believe me. Things got ugly very fast. There was a minor scuffle. Two of the men will need extensive dental work. They eventually managed to handcuff me and then tossed me into a black van.

I was taken to an abandoned farm house and questioned for several hours. Apparently, I'm not allowed to know what's in the vaccine.

They said I'll let me go home tomorrow. 

I reckon, what I don't know, I don't need to know. 😎

-jk-

Politics vs. Education vs. We the People

Rule #1  Never open Pandora's Box.

Long ago, a small town wanted to make money but unknowingly set the wheels of change in motion.  

 

It was the trial of the century and when it was over, the verdict – guilty. Dayton, Tennessee, July 21, 1925.

 

The Scopes Trial - the first United States trial to be broadcast on national radio, WGN.

 

John T. Scopes violated Tennessee's Butler Act, by unlawfully teaching human evolution in a state-funded school.

 

The oddity is that it was all staged to attract attention and money to the city of Dayton, Tennessee, which it did, but in doing so, the conspirators unwittingly changed America forever.

 

It’s been almost 100 years since the Scopes Trial, and trouble is brewing once again. 

Around the country, School Boards are adding Critical Race Theory to the curriculum without any public debate. Masks mandates and lower grade standards were also implemented. The result; an angry and growing number of parents have spoken out in opposition, but for doing so, they were considered terrorist. Yikes!

All parents have the right to know and to be able to express their opinions about what should or should not be taught to their children, and about the expectations for their children to graduate to the next level. 

Well, I ain't got no dog in the fight anymore, because all my children are grown, but if I did, I am certain I would allow my children to be children for as long as possible, and then I would get called to the principals office, knowing that children make mistakes - that's how they learn to be adults. 

These issues are currently a hot topic and are being debated by the talking-heads, but so far, it's been all talk and no action. 

 

Is it time for another Scopes-like trial?

I'll never understand humans.

 

I certainly hope so, but who would be willing to be the reluctant scapegoat, like John T. Scopes? And what entity or person would be so inclined to finance a judicial endeavor in opposition against the school boards, teacher’s unions, and woke fanatics, and stand firm, without fear against any and all threats?

Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Warren Buffet, Larry Ellison, Steve Ballmer, Elon Musk, and Larry Page, all billionaires, all white, all men. Would any of them would dare to risk their huge amounts of wealth to finance a court trial and public scrutiny about what should be taught in public schools. 

Daring to oppose the mob of progressive socialist democrats could and would probably hurt their profit margins. 

Unfortunately, some billionaires are cowards, and some of them would rather build a rocket, rather than attend a school board meeting; wealth is their only concern.  

So, who will be bold enough to stand up and be the John T. Scopes of this generation? Who will be courageous enough to inherit the wind and risk everything so that 'We The People' get a fair trial?

 

The future of our children and our tax dollars are at stake. COVID-19 will go away, eventually, but brainwashing lasts forever.

 

 

-jk-

 

Proverbs 11:29

He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind: and the fool shall be servant to the wise of heart.