Friday, July 3, 2020

Persiflage Remix


I enrolled in the advance study program of epistemophilia, because here at God’s Little Half-Acre Assisted Living Facility, they encourage us inmates to think outside the box. (GLHAALF be the new name I call our house due to being stuck inside.) 


Is you tired of perpendicular nouns, horizontal verbs, precipitous adjectives, unsentimental adverbs, law-abiding punctuation marks, and boring meme's?

Prof. Mordecai Persiflage 



If'n you are, well then, at the University of Fictitious Interpretation and Mystification, the Society for Enhanced Oxymoron Vocabulary and Pretend Jargon recently announced they have successfully dreamed up an unproven therapy that will revolutionize how to write or post silly meme's on social media. They named it, Advanced Palimpsest Osmosis.

What is Advanced Palimpsest Osmosis?

It is a five-step psychotherapy process that may or may not work.

Step one: Stop stressing over old, established methods.

Step two: Write and post anything you want.

Step three: Punctuate as you see fit.

Step four: Make up new words and cancel words that offend you.

Step five: Convince ultracrepidarians that what you write or post is legitimate.

Possible side effects are: posting unreadable material, repetitious adverb use, forgetfulness, invariable back aches, wandering in the park, screaming at flowers, starring at a wall for no reason, (Is there ever a reason to stare at a wall?) watching ice melt, (There are at least two or three good reasons to watch ice melt.) increased pizza eating, and begging for sympathy and likes on Facebook.


Advanced Palimpsest Osmosis is not for everyone and you should consult with someone, thou it doesn’t really matter who, before attempting the five-step psychotherapy process.


Strive to be different, unique, or dissimilar on a daily basis and hopefully something odd or ordinary will happen to you, like being blocked by all your friends on Facebook.


Try Advanced Palimpsest Osmosis today and gyrate your posting on social media career. It’s not just another stupid therapy for gullible people, it’s an adventure!


Disclaimer: a statement that denies something, especially responsibility or a person who doesn't claim stuff.


This Week be an Ordinary Golden Worm or a Lazy Azure Raccoon.


Speading the Love to the World.


-jk-





Monday, June 1, 2020

Hello Fellow Earthlings



The Milky Way Gazette has rated Earth the #1 prime-time drama show in the Galaxy. “900 million years and Earth is still an enthralling spectacle; Extraterrestrials everywhere just can’t stop watching it.”

Zxark, entertainment reporter for the Gazette.  


I suddenly feel really small



Earthlings, how about you give peace a chance, it’s the only left you haven’t tried.



When everybody speaks, no one is heard.



This week be a Silly Yellow Otter or a Wise Purple Tiger.






-jk-

Friday, May 29, 2020

Silence of the Dinosaur



If I disagree, I have to remain silent. It’s okay, no one ever listens to me anyway, except jimmy, but jimmy is a figment of my imagination. jimmy likes it when I talk to him, at least that’s what he said. I don’t think jimmy would lie to me; would he?


Your opinions are no long required.



The lemmings are racing off the cliff again.  (Did you really expect them to do anything different?)


One human did a bad thing – therefore all humans are bad. Human logic is amazing.


I am no longer the purple cow who has a boundless imagination.

Huh?



I am now a dinosaur, and my extinction is inevitable.

Yikes!


All things change. New thoughts and ideas are on the horizon for better or worse.



But while I wait for the asteroid to strike, I’ll just keep on writing stuff that makes no sense. Senselessness is my utopia.


This weekend be a Green, Mindless Dust Bunny or a Blue, Shrewd Flying Elephant.



Peace and Love to all.


-jk-





Friday, April 10, 2020

Remembering Baseball and The Good Old Days



Saturday, April 10th, 1971 – San Francisco Giants vs. St Louis Cardinals. I was 14 years old.

I collected $.01 soda bottles wherever I could find them, and after 3 weeks of hunting, I made $3 – just enough to go to the game in style.

My friends and I got there early, and we sat in the front row of the right field bleachers for the 1:30 game. Back then the bleachers were open seating and cost $1. The bus to the park was a 20-minute ride – $.50 there and $.50 back. A score card was $.25 and a soda was $.50.

Willie Mays, in the twilight of his Hall of Fame career, was in center field for the Giants that day. He hit a home run in the 3rd inning into the left field bleachers seats. It was his 4th homer in as many games. In the 8th inning, Joe Torre hit a home run, and of course, it also went to left field.

I went to a lot of games in St. Louis when I was young, but I never caught a foul ball or home run. Catching a ball at a baseball game was and still is #1 on my bucket list, but I haven’t been to a game in about five years.

The Cardinals lost that day 6 – 4. I didn’t mind. I just wanted to see Willie Mays play in person. It was my first time, and I’ll never forget it. He wasn’t my favorite player, but he sure was a good one. I liked Curt Flood the best. The Cardinals traded Flood after the 1969 season. I didn’t understand why – and still don’t. Curt Flood and Willie Mays were both great defensive centerfielders.





After the game and the bus ride home, that dropped us off in front of the drug store two blocks from where I lived, I went in and bought 5 packs of baseball cards. They were $.05 each and each pack had five cards and a stick of really bad gum inside. I opened one and Willie Mays was the first card on top.

A few years later, I was the starting centerfielder for my high school team in 1974 and 1975. Every game I played during those two years, I had that same Willie Mays baseball card and a Curt Flood card in my hat.

I don’t know what happened to the cards, but it doesn’t matter. Remembering the good old days is enough for me.


Happy Birthday, jimmy.

Same to you, Mr. Kafka.  



This weekend be a Thoughtful, Green Otter or a Clever, Yellow Crow.


Spreading the Love to the Planet and to all those who are suffering or have lost a loved one.


-jk-