Wednesday, May 1, 2019

Game of Thrones at the Ant Farm



Goodbye April, Hello May


It’s been raining a lot, and I am sick and tired of it, but I reserve the right to complain come August, when I’ll be praying for rain.


Rain or shine, here at the ant farm, there is always plenty to do, plenty going on, and the monkeys must be fed daily or they get a tad bit cranky.


Apparently, Game of Thrones is popular. (j/k)


"The Long Night" 

Who knew winter could be so dark. Bran, you know stuff; right? You gonna tell us? I told Tyrion, but they cut to another scene when I was telling him stuff. Tyrion, what did Bran tell you. I’m not telling. 

Melisandre, you know stuff; right? Blue eyes. Thanks for the hot tip, now go die. 

Arya, have you ever fought multiple opponents – non-stop, continuously, constantly, like in a large battle? Nope. Eh, you’ll been okay. 

Jon, ops, I mean, Mr. Targaryen, have you ever participated in a battle? A couple. Hint: Ask Jaime, Tyrion, or anybody for that matter, about the strategic importance of catapults, trebuchets, trenches, defending a wall, wall, wait . . . you’ve defended a wall. Oy vey! Oh, one other thing, Mr. Targaryen, how many times have you ridden a dragon? Never mind. 

Daenerys Targaryen, Khaleesi, the queen of the Dothraki (scratch that title). 

Sansa Stark, you survived! Podrick Payne, you survived! Theon Greyjoy, um, a, you died. 


Beric and Theon - may they never be forgotten.

Beric Dondarrion, sorry you died, thanks for the flame, and your importance to the story was um, a, important. 

Jorah Mormont, I guess we now know the reason why Samwell healed you – heroic death! Lyanna Mormont, you stabbed a giant in the eye! 

Gendry, you’re a lucky man – got some sex and you survived. 

Samwell Tarly, you can stop screaming now, the battle is over. 

Davos Seaworth, it’s not your fault they didn’t see the torches. 

Grey Worm, if you didn’t die in that battle, ain’t nothing ever gonna kill you, bro. 

Brienne of Tarth, um, a, scream and swing your sword, scream and swing your sword. 

Jaime Lannister, you should have stayed with your sister, or is it, wife, girlfriend, lover; hard to keep track. 

Tormund Giantsbane, the good news is, Brienne didn’t die – the bad news is, she still likes Jaime and not you. 

Tyrion Lannister, I know you noticed the way Sansa looked at you – I see love in your future. 

Sandor "The Hound" Clegane, you lived, and now you must fight your brother, Frankenstein “The Mountain” Gregor Clegane. 

Lord Varys, well done, you kept Missandei and Gilly safe, and if I were you, I would tell all your little spiders just how brave you were. 

Night King, a little girl made you and a little girl ended you – so tell me again, what was your purpose in all this? Night King Backup Dancers, nice outfits. 

Bran “Sly Dawg” Stark, you stared down the Night King and watched him die. But you’re not Bran anymore; are you? You’re a reincarnated forest person. Well, played.


Politics – Do we really care? Not really, at least not until Game of Thrones heaves 3 more episodes to talk, speculate, complain, moan, and whine about, and then start all over again when they make the prequel. Who will sit on the throne is all that matters.  


Weather – Winter is over. The climate is changing, as it has for billions of years, only this time, it’s our fault. I blame Cersei, she's full of hot air.


Books – If they make a movie or TV series based on a book, people who normally don’t read books will read that book just so they can nitpick about both.


George R. R. Martin – As Mel Brooks once said, “It’s good to be the king.”



This Week be a Ghostly Grey Dire Wolf or a Vaporous Undead Dragon.



Spreading the Love to Westeros, Essos, Sothoryos, Iron Islands, The Arbor, Bear Island, Tarth, Dragonstone, and Dorne.


-jk-

Friday, April 5, 2019

Dancing with Words



How to make a real difference in the world? A: Proper word usage, of course.


Three major problems in our world today are – Global warming, Cancer, and World Hunger. The only way to rectify all three is to use words people will understand. 

"All sales and distribution of beer, wine, and recreational drugs will cease until Global warming, Cancer, and World Hunger are resolved.
 

I believe that would be enough to make those thee problems instantly disappear. People get really serious when you take away what they need to get high.

“Don’t worry, jimmy, we have a ten year supply of rum stashed in a secret location!”

“I wasn’t worried, Mr. Kafka.”


WORDS MATTER


Accountability: a word often used by presidential candidates when they are campaigning, but forget after they’re elected. If I make a mess, I have to clean it up. If I write a check, I have to have money in the bank. If I get a loan from the bank, I have to pay them back. I wonder what would happen if I told the water, gas, and electric companies that me and my wife haven’t approved our household budget for this year yet and therefore, we won’t be paying our bills until we do. (I can hear them laughing already!)


I heard a man on TV say that men nowadays need to reinvent how they think and act. (In 17th century France, poisoning occurred among hat makers who used mercury for the hat felt. The “Mad Hatter Disease” was marked by shyness, irritability, and tremors that would make the person appear “mad.”)  There you go, problem solved!



Interesting Tidbits,

Feeding the donkey sponge cake, according to the Portuguese, means giving special treatment to someone who doesn't need/deserve it.

Not my circus, not my monkeys. Hence, it is not my problem, so say the Polish folks.

Definition of Gender: (1800’s) – A sex, male or female.
Definition of Gender: (2019) – either of the two sexes (male and female), especially when considered with reference to social and cultural differences rather than biological ones. The term is also used more broadly to denote a range of identities that do not correspond to established ideas of male and female.



1 through 10 Words:

NO! - What every woman said to me, except one, so I married her.

Reduced Fat – the two words on every item in the grocery store.

Authorized Personnel Only – three words that will never pertain to me.

I TOLD YOU SO! – Four words that need no explanation

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Text, Email – Five ways to avoid making eye contact.

May the Force be with you. – Arguably the most famous six words ever uttered in a movie.

I have a bad feeling about this – The seven words I say every day after I wake up.

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn – Eight words I tell my wife when she asks me what I want for supper.

I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse – The nine words the car salesman said to the other car salesman right before he bamboozled me.

And last but not least . . .

Gimme a Rum and Coke with a twist of lemon – My favorite ten words of all time!




This Week be a Ghostly Red Pigeon or a Nonjudgmental Coy Cobra.


Spreading the Love to Egypt, Poland, Italy, Tanzania, Greenland, Malta, Austria, China, Canada, and Japan.


-jk- 

Sunday, March 10, 2019

Reading is for Everyone



Reading a fictional or non-fictional novel is medicine to treat children and adults who are experiencing (DIS) Dulled Imagination Syndrome. Reading is also a remedy for people with moderate to severe TV watching. Do not read if you have had a severe allergic reaction to prolonged mental concentration. 

Visit a local library for a complete list of books best suited for you. If you have a severe allergic reaction after reading, speak with a professional librarian. 


Let the healing begin!


Reading is medicine that affects your brain and may strengthen your vocabulary. Reading may also increase your chance of meeting that special someone which could develop into a serious relationship.

You should check with your local librarian before reading a book if you have a history of saying, “I don’t like to read.” or “Reading is boring.”


An Owl never lies



A librarian can detect signs and symptoms of (DIS) during and after reading a book.

Inform your librarian if you

have ever read a book

have a fear of libraries or books 

have or have had (DIS), or have been in close contact with someone with (DIS)

think you have (DIS) symptoms, such as

fever, sweats, chills, muscle aches, shortness of breath, weight loss, painful skin or sores on your body, diarrhea, stomach pain, or recently scheduled time to binge watch a TV series.

Call your or visit a librarian right away if you have any of the symptoms listed above. Do not read a book if you have any symptoms, unless you are instructed to by a librarian.

Prior to reading a book, consider completion of all age-appropriate books according to librarian guidelines.

If you are pregnant or plan to become pregnant, reading will not harm your unborn baby and your increased intelligence will pass into your breast milk.


Tell the librarian about any books you have read, including magazines, newspapers, cereal boxes, and ingredients on grocery stores items.

Reading a book may cause serious side effects. Share with a Librarian right away if you get any of the following symptoms:

creative ideas

desire to read more 

a restful night of sleep

better eating habits

stimulated brain activity

considerably smarter

increased conversational skills.


COMMON SIDE EFFECTS

The most common side effects after reading a book are peace of mind, clarity, calmness, contentment, and enhanced wisdom. These are not all of the possible side effects, but they are a good start towards feeling better.


Get started today before it’s too late – read a book and astonish your friends and family with your boosted vocabulary and superior conversational skills.


And please do not forget to review every book you read.




This Week be a Mysterious Gold Pig or an Indulgent Blushing Owl.


Spreading the Love to Norway, Poland, Mexico, China, Iceland, India, Austria, Pakistan, Belgium, and Ireland.


-jk-

Sunday, February 17, 2019

Live in the Present



Our memory of the past changes with time; so much so that with each passing year it will hardly resemble the truth. I believe it is better to forget and be at peace instead of concocting false memories to ease the pain. The past is done and it cannot be undone with fictitious fabrications of the truth.


The lies we tell ourselves to ease the pain is still a lie.


I was 51 years old when I started writing with productive intent. My knowledge of writing was limited to what I learned in 7th grade. I knew nothing about editing. I knew even less than nothing about marketing and book covers. And the only thing I knew about publishing was that I would have to do it myself if my book was ever going to be published.


My first book was a complete failure, because of all of the above.


It was hard to stop thinking about what I should have done, but when I did, the present got a lot better.


Count me in!



I am soon-to-be 62 years old, and I now have three published books, two more novels waiting to be published, and a stack of incomplete and complete short stories. And what I know now has nothing to do with what I didn’t know when I started. 


Each day I write something is a good day. Sometimes I write a sentence thirty different ways. Sometimes I ponder over a single word for several hours. But the one thing I never do is worry about whether or not someone will like what I am writing.


When I was young, people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grow up. My answer was always the same – Tall. (6' at my peak and now I am shrinking)


If someone were to ask me about my future now, my answer is always, “I am still undecided about what I want to eat for supper tonight.”


The magic that is our imagination changes constantly, and every day we have to decide – will I be a purple cow today or the garnish for someone else’s dream.



This Week be an Elusive Sapphire Armadillo or a Charitable Pink Tiger.



Spreading the Love to Finland, Poland, Cuba, Japan, Iceland, New Zealand, Italy, Germany, Greece, and Tahiti.


-jk-