Friday, March 9, 2018

Mud Soup Monday

Mud Soup is me thinking out loud.

Words are my passion.

Groups of words are a word orgy.
Novels are an enormous word orgy.
Evidently, I'm passionate about enormous orgies.

Of Course I did

Mainstream Definition: the ideas, attitudes, or activities that are regarded as normal or conventional; the dominant trend in opinion, fashion, or the arts.

Normal and Conventional left the building with Elvis. In today’s ultra-diverse world, Mainstream has mutated into a large spider web. People get stuck in the web. If you wiggle ever so slightly in an attempt to join another group in the web . . . the big bad spider comes and wraps you tighter. Wiggling on the web is bad and you will eventually get eaten.  

Dominant (important, powerful, or influential) Opinions are being spewed out every 5 minutes. The talking heads love opinions. Right fielders love opinions. And we all know that opinions are like . . .  

I have opinions, but I am afraid to express them in the ultra-diverse world.

In the Fortress of Imagination, hermetically stored in a super-secret vault, there are thousands of stories I wrote; none of them will ever be published. I like to reread them when I am bored.

Unrealistic vs. Fiction – Good, Bad, or Controversial

How to Speak Body Language

A Day in the Life of a Forgotten Friday Night

The Art of Staying Irrelevant

Baby Names – Optimistic Child Labeling?  

Reality, a Three Part Fictional Fairy-tale  

A Glimpse into the Future; Frozen Eggs and My Memory

If you Tweet it, someone will dislike it

TV Binge Watching is an Overindulging Activity  

The Truth about Right Fielders and their Moms

Hyphen; the New-Semi-Colon 

Prickly Serendipity Syndrome; will there ever be a Cure?

Body-Shaming Mirrors for Models

Perfection is Flawed Nonsense

Overcompensating for Circular Roundness

Where to Buy the Right Pesticide for Twitter Trolls

A Sanctuary City is Bamboozling

Hollywood; The Lost City of Good Intentions Gone Bad

Hollywood; If they watch it, we’ll make 20 more just like it.

It’s going to be another great week at the Fortress of Imagination. Stories to reread. Books to read. Rum to drink. Pizza to eat. Dreams to dream.

This Week be a Blissful Naive Boar or a Comfortable Burgundy Viper.

Spreading the Love to United Arab Emirates, Ukraine, Syria, Brazil, France, Honduras, Spain, Portugal, Canada, Indonesia, and Poland.


Saturday, March 3, 2018

In Search of Common Ground

Fiction Writers and Theoretical Physicist employ similar techniques to persuade people into believing their fantastical tales and theories.

What exactly is a theory?

Theory: an ideal or hypothetical set of facts, principles, or circumstances - a hypothesis assumed for the sake of argument or investigation - an unproved assumption.

At Joe’s Bar and Grill, we call that drunk Bullshit.

That is true.

Fiction Writers: People who use words and their imagination to fabricate fantastic nonsense.

Theoretical Physicist: People who use math and their imagination to fabricate theoretical nonsense.

The Big Bang Theory sounds plausible, but two important elements are missing; what was going on before the Big Bang and why did the Big Bang, Bang? It had nothing better to do?

Being a writer of fiction, I, of course, have a theory about what was going on before the Big Bang and why it Banged. I also have a perfectly believable explanation for Black Holes.

Before I present my theory, I must confess something. Trying to comprehend what was going on before the Big Bang is the same as trying to imagine what being dead feels like. Therefore, I utilize geometrical imagination and specialized creativeness to rationalize my theory.  

My Theory: Using the formula – Rum + Coke = i2Rsmart, I discovered many super dimensional layers, which were inhabited by angels. The discovery allowed me to deduce that our universe was created by flatulence - an angel farted. Angel + Pizza + Beer = Flatulence Squared, A+P+B=F2.

Black holes (space tornadoes or dimensional sanitation system, DSS), were immediately deployed to clean up the contamination and to prevent the volatile gas from corrupting other super dimensional layers. Black Holes are designed to redistribute angel butt gas and discharged particles. 

Our universe may be 14+ billion years old, but there are many more universes in other dimensional layers that could be older or younger than ours. Angels fart a lot, and it is downright conceivable that they have tainted several dimensional layers.

Believable or Absolutely Preposterous?

Or, you can choose to believe the Physicists. In the beginning there was nothing, then there was an atom, it exploded (Big Bang), and presto, the known universe was created.

Or, you can believe God created everything.

A definitive answer about how the universe was created is perhaps theoretically attainable, but the miracle cherry on top of the cosmology desert is what or who made it happen and why.

This Month, be a Happy Green Rabbit or a Contented Scarlet Eagle.

Spreading the Love to Germany, Italy, Syria, Brazil, France, Ireland, India, United Kingdom, South Africa, Poland, and Japan.


Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Word Sexy

The best part about being an indie author is the unrestricted word sexy control you have. You can end a sentence with a preposition or go crazy with adjectives and adverbs. I think of words as if they were Lego's and I can build whatever I want. 


When a tree falls, does it make a sound even if no one is there to hear it?

This is how I would answer:

The tree suddenly began plummeting to the frozen ground below. Its branches, large and small, pummeled an adjacent tree, cracking off many as it fell. The shattered fragments swarmed chaotically. Squirrels scurried from their winter nests. Frightened birds took to the air. When the mighty tree ultimately slammed onto the forest floor with a titanic thud, the ground trembled, bark split, dirt swirled, and ice crystals darted into the cold air like a well-planned fireworks display. A thunderous echo of the natural event lanced through the tranquil timberland's in every direction, which eventually reached a young boy and his father, who were fishing that morning at the river. The wise father turned and looked at his son and said, “Trees do make a sound when they fall, even if no one is there to hear them.”

The boy, who was busy sending a text message to his friend, replied, “Huh?”

Indie authors generally write what they are passionate about instead of trying to write about a genre that is currently popular. Their passion is undeniably evident by how word sexy they are in the telling of their stories.

Verbiage: a profusion of words usually of little or obscure content. Speech or writing that contains too many words or that uses words that are more difficult than necessary. (BAH!) – I call that being word sexy. Go big or go home!

Finding the right combinations of words to accurately translate the swirling of ideas inside your brain is not easy. So, what’s wrong with getting a tad bit word sexy?

What is my definition of word sexy?

Word sexy: a phantasmagorical expedition to concisely find sets of words that have never met, but make them sound like they were always meant to be together. They fall in love, have kids, get divorced, and buy a beach house Finland.

Examples: Ranch Dip with Bacon Flavored, Cheese Stuffed Pizza Pretzels. Write Drunk while Drinking Rum. Edit Sober while You Think about Eating Bacon Flavored, Cheese Stuffed Pizza Pretzels. Pizza Insurance for the Super Bacon Pizza you dropped because you just had to have another glass of rum.

If you are the type of person who enjoys a story from the heart, I suggest selecting an indie book to read. They are truly a word sexy experience to behold.

Be an Orange Turtle this Month or a Jade Lama.

Spreading the Love to the all the Olympic Athletes. Go for the Gold! 

Please support indie authors.


Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Silence is Noiseless

I spent the last 5 years talking to a wall and the wall never responded, thus proving that walls can’t talk. I am fully aware that perhaps the wall might not have wanted to talk to me, but I found no evidence to substantiate that possibility.

Happy New Year Wall. I will miss speaking to you this year, but don’t worry, I’ll hang a few pictures on you to keep you company.

Nope, not going out today!

I am now finally free to pursue another futile exercise of complete and utter senselessness; talking to trees. It is a project I have been looking forward to for a long time. Unfortunately, the weather outside is a horribly cold, but that will not stop me. I have a plan. I will attach a cell phone to a tree . . . no wait, that won’t work. Trees don’t know how to operate a cell phone.

Thinking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Perhaps, it might be better to wait until the weather is warmer.

In the meantime, I suppose I could do something appallingly pathetic and enormously inconsequential . . . use my keyboard to make letters, numbers, and pictures magically appear on the computer monitor. Sounds boring, but there ain’t nothing else to do.

Logical solution for peace on earth: Dissolve all the world governments and everybody in the world has to move another country. China to Africa – Africa to Russia – Russia to South America – South America to India – India to Australia – Australia to China – Italy to England – England to Japan – Japan to Italy – France to Mexico – Mexico to Saudi Arabia – Saudi Arabia to France – Poland to Madagascar – Spain to Canada – Iran to Poland – Switzerland to Cuba - United States to Greenland – Greenland to Greece, etc. etc.

This is doable. You just have to think outside the box to solve big problems.

I don't think taking a green pill with a blue pill is working. Maybe a red pill with a glass of rum might help. List of things I need to do this week: Ask someone if I'm crazy, sleep, and talk to my coffee cup.

Be a Yellow Mellow Lion and Stare at People.

Spreading the Love to Iceland, Italy, Iran, Mexico, Cuba, Ireland, Poland, Spain, and Turkey.