Saturday, September 22, 2018

Serving the Mud Soup

The weather made a dramatic switch last night (hot to cold) so it feels like a Mud Soup day.

Mud Soup is about sharing my recent, slanted and cockeyed thoughts.

First up: 

Rules are meant to be broken. Well, that’s only partially true. The only rules that are meant to be broken are the ones that insist on unreasonability. (unreasonability is my new word of the day) People who knowingly break a rule or don’t follow a rule should abide by the consequences unless the unreasonability factor is arbitrary.

Moving on.

New Statute of Limitations: Whatever you did between the day you were born and your 18th birthday is automatically pardoned on your 70th birthday – if you make it that far. Being 70 years old is punishment enough. Peeing 5 times a night. Worrying about the weather. Etc. etc. etc.  It’s a nightmare no 70-year-old person enjoys.

If you insist 

Next up.

Japan successfully landed robot rovers on an asteroid's surface! In 1,000 years from now the significance of this event will change . . . um, a, um, something important?

Another new iPhone! In 1,000 years from now the significance of having a new iPhone will change . . . um, a, um, something important?

Erstwhile is a lonely word and has been abandoned for far to long. It’s like a rescue pet and it needs a loving home. Please adopt Erstwhile and give this delightful word the home it deserves.

First Lastly.

I say this with all sincerity – when I become rich and famous, I shall never forget all the kind people who have commented on this blog site, read my books, reviewed my books, followed me on twitter, said ‘hi’ to me, or thought about saying ‘hi’ to me. You people are amazing!

Last Lastly.

The monster underneath my bed and the goblin in my closet finally decided to retire and they want me to pay them for all the times they scared me. I refused. Now they are suing. More on this as it develops.

This Week be a Mundane Golden Caterpillar or a Fiery Azure Dolphin.

Spreading the Love to Ireland, Austria, Japan, India, Portugal, Brazil, Poland, Puerto Rico, and Tahiti.


Wednesday, September 5, 2018

To Persiflage or not to Persiflage

Hello, word scribblers and fellow epistemophiliacs 

Are you tired of perpendicular nouns, horizontal verbs, precipitous adjectives, unsentimental adverbs, and law-abiding punctuation marks? I know I am.

Aliens are always watching us.

Fear not, just yesterday, at the University of Fictitious Interpretation and Mystification, the Society for Enhanced Oxymoron Vocabulary and Pretend Jargon announced they have successfully dreamed up a literary therapy that will revolutionize how writers write. They named it, Advanced Palimpsest Osmosis.

What is Advanced Palimpsest Osmosis literary therapy?

It is a five-step psychotherapy process that may or may not work for you.

Step one: Stop stressing over old, established methods.

Step two: Write however you want.

Step three: Punctuate as you see fit.

Step four: Make up new words.

Step five: Convince ultracrepidarians that what you write is legitimate.

Possible side effects are: writing several pages of unreadable material, repetitious adverb use, forgetfulness, invariable back aches, wandering in the park, screaming at flowers, starring at a wall for no reason, (Is there ever a reason to stare at a wall?) watching ice melt, (There are at least two or three good reasons to watch ice melt.) increased pizza eating, begging for sympathy on Facebook, and prank-calling famous authors.

Advanced Palimpsest Osmosis is not for everyone and you should consult with someone, anyone, doesn’t really matter who it is, before attempting the five-step psychotherapy process.

Strive to be different, unique, or dissimilar on a daily basis and hopefully something odd or ordinary will happen.

Try Advanced Palimpsest Osmosis today and gyrate your writing career. It’s not just writing therapy, it’s an adventure!

Disclaimer: a statement that denies something, especially responsibility or a person who doesn't claim stuff.

This Week be a Splendid Blonde Pigeon or a Passionate Lavender Rabbit.

Spreading the Love to Ireland, Sweden, Japan, Italy, Israel, Belgium, Canada, Poland, South Africa, and Spain.


Friday, August 24, 2018

A Fiction Writer’s Angst - Names

Trying to write inventive fantasy fiction is a challenge, but a fun challenge. Creating scary monsters, working out the particulars of your daring protagonist, making your antagonist, antagonizing, and mixing in fancy new races with established old races to coexist in the unique world you created is the enjoyable part of writing fiction. What slows you down are names, the names, the names, oh the NAMES, they are a nightmare. The absolute worst. What to name a town? What to name a character? What to name the world. HELP ME! HELP ME! HELP ME!

Names in fiction novels are wacky, tacky, and often impossible to pronounce. But I get why writers try to come up with cool names. They want to be different, unique, but sometimes they go overboard.

Choosing the right name for people, places, and things that best depict the flavor of your novel is not easy. I admit, I too have used wild and weird names.

Yes, your characters are special individuals. Yes, your world is unique. And yes, the names you choose should be distinctive to match the story.

Tom the Dragon Slayer is a bit . . . blah. However, . . . Ramanayake Wrivras Uwrecular the Dragon Slayer, wielding the Doom Slicer Sword of Twilight's End is sophisticated and stylish. Although, seeing Ramanayake Wrivras Uwrecular 800 times in a novel is quite annoying.

Dungeons, Towns, a Forest, a Mountain, a Tavern, an Ocean, and a River are tough to name, and deciding the right name will chew up a lot of your time. Joe’s River, Buck’s Tavern, and Scary Dungeon just don’t add spiciness like - The Cowardly Zombie Rabbit Tavern or The River of Black Blood.

Time is the enemy. It must be used wisely.

To aid you, there are a few worthy name generators on the internet. The only problem with name generators is that you can get caught up in their swirling, addictive vortex. I know, because I have spent several wasted days looking through the millions of names they provide.

My advice: Choose a name and stick with it. Over time the name will grow on you. Don’t be envious of the names you have seen in other novels and think you have to change a beloved character’s name because it doesn’t sound meaningful enough, especially after you've written 40,000 words - that's not a good time to be waffling about names.

For the writers who have children, you understand the task of naming. Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes it’s not so easy.

A name is a name is a name. The names you choose are important, but they will only be remembered if the story is awesome.

Using initials instead of their name is a popular thing with authors – I. P. Nightly or Mary O. B. G. Y. N. Spencer. Personally, I don’t get it, but what do I know. Hmmm, maybe I should change my name. I've had the same name for 61 years. How about – Warwick Amaranth ‘The Nightmare’ Bloodrain?  Naw. I'll stick with what I have.

This Week be a Lovely Yellow Ogre or an Enthusiastic Purple Raccoon.

Spreading the Love to Ireland, Cuba, Brazil, India, Greece, Spain, Great Britain, Poland, Norway, and Denmark.


Thursday, July 5, 2018

Oldness Equals Fiction

There was a time I felt ten feet tall, but now I feel ten feet small.

Back then, I had friends and people knew me. We talked, laughed, and shared our thoughts.

I walked with a pep in my step, a smile on my face, and with no concern for the days ahead.

Time had no meaning. Growing older and money were the least of my worries.

I wanted to see the world and I believed the world wanted to see me.

I hurried from place to place and wasted away the days as if they would never end.

It felt good to be young, unconscious of my surroundings, and negligent of my future.

Regret was a misunderstanding, not something to be dwelt upon.

It was good to be young, or so I thought.

I Danced with Royalty

Time marched forward and as each year passes, I feel smaller.

My friends are fewer now and scarcer amounts know me.

I speak, but my words are not heard.

My pace is slower, I rarely smile, and I worry too much about the days ahead.

Weather and money is all I think about and time presses hard against me.

I have memories of the world, though many of them I have forgotten.

I no longer hurry, and I waste away the days wondering if I had a good life.

It feels horrible to be old, conscious of the inevitable fading future.

I am full of reminiscences, but many of them I regret.

Being Fiction is about Being Fiction

Then again, it’s great to be old, because I have become a walking, talking genius of life.

I can now babble on for hours about the incredible wonders of the world; weave unbelievable tales and imbue them with inconceivable prevarications; and I can make fantastical claims of great achievements, because there is no proof of the things I have accomplished. I have become the master of lies and I shall speak them using imaginative cliches.

Oh, there will be those who shall try to refute my stories, but I will stand firm, using my oldest and wit to counter the Google bully.

The information age is upon us and it searches for the truth in everything. Truth is just a fact, absent of personality and character, unless furnished by an old person!

This Week be a Pleasant Red Elephant or an Anxious Pink Beetle.

Spreading the Love to Canada, India, Iceland, France, Germany, Poland, Portugal, Mexico, and China.