High School Dog Years - 1971

If there’s a will, there’s a way, or away.

 

Before the phrase, ‘Thinking Outside the Box,’ ever became popular, I was always thinking outside the box – way, way outside the box. 

 

Back in 1971, I was a freshman in high school. On my first day, while sitting in 4^th period study hall, I devised a plan on how to survive the next 4 years.

DOG YEARS!

I invented the dog year’s plan; a mathematical formula I incorporated for high school years. It was an amazing feat, considering how horrible I was at math. I called it Dog Years for High School.

High School is 4 years, or 48 months, or approximately 365 days x 4; an eternity for a teenager. I came up with 1 month in high school to be equivalent to 1.5 years or 547.5 days. Therefore, using this formula for people years and equating it with High School time: a freshman would be a young and hopeful 18-year-old; a sophomore would be a middle aged 36-year-old; a junior would be, ‘where did the time go’, 54-year-old, and a graduating senior would be a venerable 72 years young; the approximate age the average person would live, according to what one of my teachers said.

Ingenious eh?

Future Genius 

I was mischievous, scheming, devious, and inventive when I was in high school, because I had to be. The 144 years, K-8, I did at a catholic school made me realize that begging is for amateurs. If I wanted to get beyond 1st base, sexually, mathematical manipulation was the only way that was going to happen.

 

At the time, my constantly-thinking, juvenile mind also worked out a strategic and tactical purpose for the mathematical formula – a defensive and offensive advantage with girls!!! 

How you ask?

Well, I’ll tell you how.

If I could convince a girl, who I was dating for 4 months, that in fact we were actually dating for 6 years in high school dog years, I might just be able to lessen her reluctance to go beyond just kissing.

“We haven’t been dating long enough,” is a phrase every young boy has heard plenty of times when trying to go beyond kissing. I felt Dog years could help refute that preposterous statement. Time is of the essence in high school and any time wasted quickly will certainly become a life time of regret.

Unfortunately, despite how clever my plan appeared on paper, it never really worked out as well as I had hoped. The equation did not take into consideration how smart girls are or how determined they are to keep their pants on until they decide the time is right.

 

My freshmen and sophomore girlfriends certainly didn’t fall for it, nor did the 4 girls I dated my junior year. But, early on in my senior year, at the ripe old age of 67 high school dog years, the sexy cheerleader I was dating thought my mathematical formula was cute. I called her my Ferrari. Every old guy needs a sports car, right? Sadly, my Ferrari was way more than I could handle at my advanced age.  

 

 

Regret is for those who never dared to take a chance. 

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

j/k