Query Letter Nightmare

 

What are you really doing when you write a Query Letter?

 

A: peddling your soul to literary deities?

 

Before writing my first query letter, 15 years ago, and having never written one, I didn’t do any research, I didn’t ask anyone for assistance or advice, I merely thought about it for a moment and decided the best course of action was to be honest.

 

Yes, I was stupid, but I learned something unexpected about myself - what was I willing to give up.

 

My query letter: 

 

Please, Miss Book God, it would be awesome if you would take some time out of your busy day to consider my manuscript for publication.

 

It is a fantasy story set in a fantasy world created by me. The story has lots of really, cool characters that will amaze you. My writing style transcends the written word on a whole new level, and my wife thinks the story is quite good. Well, truthfully, she thought it was a bit strange. My manuscript is readable, and mostly free of errors. Also, I’m willing to change my name if it will help.

 

Please contact me as soon as possible, because I sent query letters to a bunch of other people, and I’ll be accepting the first offer I get. I look forward to hearing from you.

 

Yours truly, Ernest J. R. R. Hemming Ron Away.

 

And yes, I really did send this query letter, but it was after I received 50+ rejections. I was a bit frustrated and needed to vent.

 

The most popular rejection response . . .

 

“I don't feel your manuscript is right for me at this time.”

 

Just typing those words makes me want to . . . um, do bad things.

 

Waiting, waiting, waiting.

A rejection letter is a painful experience. Moments after reading the rejection you probably want to punch the screen on your laptop. (Laptops are expensive. Do not punch the screen, punch yourself or a wall.

 

Honestly, the part I hated the most about the entire process of sending out a query letter, was waiting, obviously, and the power publishing agents had over me. My writing career was in their hands, and I was begging for their acceptance. I ain’t never begged anyone for anything.

 

But that’s the process. So, I found an alternative – self-publishing.

 

Should I have given up? Don’t know, don’t care. My goal/ my freedom was and always will be – write what I want to write and write my way. And if that meant only a few people would ever read the stories I wrote, so be it.

 

My advice to every new writer, before you send out your first query letter is, take a walk and think what you are willing to give up. And then, decide what is the right path for you.

 

I truly respect the people who got through the golden door to fame and fortune. I spent many late nights reading their books and for that I am grateful. They inspired me to write my own.

 

I will leave you with some actual rejections, as I am certain they are familiar to many.

 

Thank you for your submission. Please be assured that I have carefully considered your project. Unfortunately, I don't feel the manuscript is right for me at this time.

 

Because we receive more than two hundred submissions per week, it is necessary to be extremely selective on a very subjective basis. However, I wish you the very best with your writing career. Good luck!

 

This is not for me, but thank you for the look.

 

Thank you so much for your query. We'd like to apologize for the impersonal nature of this standard rejection letter. On average, we receive nearly 500 email query letters a week and despite that, we do read each and every query letter carefully. Unfortunately, this project is not right for us. Because this business is so subjective and opinions vary widely, we recommend that you pursue other agents. After all, it just takes one "yes" to find the right match.

 

 

Just one, yes?!  LOL!!!!

 

 

-jk-