James L. C. Kafka - Fiction is My Reality

Sunday, November 12, 2023

Sunday Night Story Time

 

Nickel Novel


Title: The Legendary Book War

 

By: Tammy Mae Suitable

 

Letters are the nuts and bolts, words are the tools, sentences are the materials, and paragraphs are the plans to create chapters, and several chapters produce a book.


Once upon a time, Ted decided he wanted to construct an amazing story. He purchased all the necessary materials and boldly began working on his story. Unbeknownst to Ted, evil was lurking in shadows. It was the dreaded Punctuation Army! They wanted to thwart Ted from building his story.

Suddenly, and without any warning, the vile Punctuation Army launched a surprise attack. They used underline marks to out flank Ted's story and fired short ranged rocket dashes ----- the defenseless words were massacred. The Punctuation Army’s sneak attack had worked perfectly.

Despite the setback, Ted was determined to write his story, but this time, he would shield the words with parenthesis armor)))))).


ALL WE ARE SAYING IS GIVE BOOKS A CHANCE!


Late one night, the Punctuation Army attacked again. They launched a multitude of exclamation marks!!!!!! to break down the))))))). When the)))))) were destroyed, a wave of commas,,,,,,,, Colons::: and semi-colons ;;;;;; came storming in.

Ted attempted to save his words with a burst of *******, but it wasn’t enough to stop them. He then deployed his elite squadron of ####### but The Punctuation Army countered with CAPITALIZATION TITANS and the mutant horde of misellpeled wodsr walloping scores of Ted's chapters.

His letters and finely crafted words littered the battle field. Senetances were maimed, and cahpters were cpompltyly annihilated. Ted however had a secret weapon The Punctuation Army was not aware of $$ Spell Check.

Words Sentences and Chapters were miraculously restored. The Punctuation Army was forced to retreat, but not before retaliating with a regiment of ???????? and ///////

After four lOnG YeaRs of fIghTiNg, tHe lines of waR hAd Been drawn!!!?>, bOtH…,,,)) Sides”””” attacked? and counter-attacccked the other, with know end in site— Ted's only ally was the Terrific Thesaurus that had missiles, artilleries, armaments and weaponries that kept the Punctuation Army,,,, from )(completely ruiniong his story$,*!

Ultimately, The League of Once Upon a Time and Happily Ever After Writers had to be called in to arbitrate a peaceful settlement.

Negotiations went on for months, until both sides finally agreed to end all hostilities. Unfortunately, Ted didn’t know The Punctuation Army had developed a secret weapon during the negotiations. It was called the run-on sentence that would go on and on and on and on forever,,,,, ---- guaranteeing the war would never ever ever eerrrree ever ever never ever end!!!!

Ted had also developed a new weapon; a Wise weapon of enormous power to neutralize the Punctuation Army’s secret weapon and all future attacks. He suitably named it, The Editor.

 

The powerful Editor ensured Ted would finally be able to finish his amazing story.

 

The end!


Have a Great Week of Fun!!


j/k

Monday, October 2, 2023

Librarians Know Best

 

Reading is Librarian approved medicine to treat children and adults who suffer from - Bibliophobia, an intense fear of books or reading. 

Reading is also a remedy for people with moderate to severe vacuity or have a significant TV watching problem. If you struggle with truncated mental absorption or have no clue what truncated mental absorption means or had to look up the word, vacuity, or just dislike reading, or experience an acute allergic reaction when reading, you definitely have Bibliophobia.

Reading is exercise for your brain and strengthens your vocabulary. Reading may also increase your chance of meeting that special someone which could develop into a serious relationship.


Owl Wisdom is Wise



If you have a history of saying, “I don’t like to read,” or “Reading is boring,” You should make an appointment to see your librarian as soon as possible. Librarians are trained professionals and can easily cure Bibliophobia. If you have a child who has Bibliophobia, check the age-appropriate recommendations set forth in the Ancient Librarian Laws of Reading, Article 3, Section A, 1-12, before allowing them to read anything.


Start them youngsters early



Inform your librarian if you: dislike reading, have a fear of libraries or books, currently have or have had Bibliophobia, have been in close contact with someone with Bibliophobia, or think you have Bibliophobia type symptoms such as; looking at clouds and seeing just clouds, never wondering what’s at the end of a rainbow, sleeping soundly without worrying about the monsters in the closet, or saying something absolutely ridiculous like, “The movie is probably way better than the book.”

Call or visit a librarian right away if you have any of the symptoms listed above, and as soon as possible, begin reading magazines, newspapers, cereal boxes, a dictionary, or The Little Engine That Could. If you do not have a copy of – The Little Engine That Could, well, you almost certainly need more than a librarian to cure you.

If you are pregnant or plan to become pregnant, reading will not harm your unborn baby and any increased intelligence you acquire from reading will be distributed to your child, and it won’t curdle your breast milk.

Reading does have severe side-effects, such as: creative ideas, desire to read more, a restful night of sleep, better eating habits, stimulated brain activity, acting considerably smarter, and increased conversational skills.

The most common side effects are: peace of mind, clarity, calmness, contentment, and enhanced wisdom. Reading is a good start towards feeling better and a long and successful life. And if you are over the age of 50, reading will restore that youthful feeling in the lower section of your left leg.


Our Team of Experts are Ready to Assist You


Get started today before it’s too late – read a book, any book, or the fine print in your spouse’s life insurance policy.

Immediately or possibly soon thereafter, you will astonish friends and family with your boosted vocabulary and superior conversational skills.

Visit your local library today and check with a professional librarian for a complete list of books or reading material that is best suited for you.

 

Drinking alcohol, in large amounts, while reading at the library is forbidden.

 

Erudition is free inside every book.  

Erudition: extensive knowledge acquired chiefly from books.

 

-jk-

Friday, September 22, 2023

Old, Fun Words


I like big, old words and I can not lie

You other words can't deny



Churl: "trailer trash" calling someone a "churl" was a major insult. And given that it means peasant, we can see why.

Knave: a liar, cheat, or con artist, Originally the word would have been used to refer to a peasant or servant in medieval times.

Cozen: The verb "cozen" was reserved for only the sneakiest of scoundrels during the Renaissance. someone would claim to be a part of the family and then con the target out of their money.

Scumber: pure filth.

'Sblood: It's short for "God's blood," and it packs a powerful punch in the Bard's work.

Bloody Nora: "flaming horror" to show their complete and utter disbelief about something.

Bedlamite: meant you thought they were a total fruitloop.

Gadzooks: Feeling angry or surprised? "Gadzooks" is the exclamation you need. The expletive is a shortened version of "God's hooks," or the nails that were pounded into the cross.

Thunderation: irritation without taking the Lord's name in vain.

Cacafuego: A Spanish word that basically translates to "s**tfire," "cacafuego" was also the name of pirate Sir Francis Drake's ship. And despite the literal meaning of the term, it was originally used to refer to someone bragging too much about their accomplishments.

Smellfungus: If you've ever traveled with someone who wouldn't quit complaining, then you were probably in the company of a "smellfungus."

Whelp: This Renaissance-era term could be used for both naughty dogs and human children. How versatile! It's meant to insult the misbehavers by comparing them to fragile little puppies.

Consarn it: to show their displeasure about anything and everything.

Caterwauling: muddling, blundering

Pander/Bawd: Elizabethan pimps were called panders (if they were male) and bawds (if they were women). infamous pickpocket to boot. Moll Cutpurse

Sard: The holy book contains the phrase, "Don't sard another man's wife." Got it? That's right, "sard" is an old version of the f-word.

Jobbernowl: an insult that translates to “stupid head” or “numbskull.”

Rakefire: vent some frustration.


Wordsmith - Q T Daddles



Scald: Ever heard of scurvy? Well, "scald" is just another word for the disease that afflicted those who spent prolonged lengths on open water and didn't get enough Vitamin C. Victims of the scald would have loose teeth, terrible skin, and a whole host of other awful complications.

Arfarfan’arf: a drunk! tipples.

Morbs: some momentary melancholy.

Chuckaboo: closest friends, BFF's.

Butter upon bacon: luxuries

Whooperups: inferior, noisy singers.

Collie shangles: quarrel or fight with someone.

Daddles: nice hands

Blatherskite: blabs far too much and talk a lot of nonsense to boot.

Mouldy grub: traveling showmen, con artists and grifters

Highfalutin: someone who was just a bit too fancy for their own good.

Catawampus: particularly ornery mood or disordered.

Skedaddle: ran away with all speed.




Have a Happy Writing Weekend


-jk-