Truth about Boomers

I’m a Boomer, so I know the truth.

 

I’ve heard all stories about Baby Boomers bragging endlessly on how they used to roam the streets without a care in the world; playing in the park, swimming in the lake, riding their bikes, staying out till dark, or until the street lights came on.

Yes, we all remember the good old days, but now that I’m old enough to know what really was going on, I do have a greater appreciation for the Moms and Dads of that era.  

Kids in the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s did frolic carelessly back then, but unbeknownst to them, a formidable team of Super Moms were constantly watching.

Even Santa was a Spy! I'm the kid he's holding.

If a kid walked a block down the road, Mom (A) called Mom (B) to report she was tracking little Johnny or Mary. Walk two more blocks and Mom (C) continued the surveillance. No matter where a kid went, a Mom was tracking them. They had party phones back then too; today it’s known as a conference call.

Dads were on the super team too.

That out of place Dad on the basketball court – SPY!

Dad Showing the kids how to throw a football – Spy!

Dad fishing on the banks of the lake – SPY!

Dad sitting in the ice cream shop drinking coffee all day - SPY!

Dad walking the dog in the park – SPY!

The suspicious looking Dad on the pay phone – Spy!

 

Mailman – Spy! Moms talked to the mailman, and they reported what they saw.

 

Kids had no idea they were being watched from the moment they left the house until the moment they returned. And Moms were super sly too.

Mom – “Jimmy, did you have fun at Billy’s today?”

Me – “How did you know I was at Billy’s?”

Mom – “He IS your best friend isn’t he; I just figured that’s where you were at.”

I never gave any of my Mom’s sneaky questions a second thought, until I became a parent.

 

Moms never panicked or blew their cover either. If they were watching kids play and someone got hurt, they’d wait to see if it was serious or not. Kid banged his knee, cried, threw some dirt on it, and went back to playing. No Problem. Kid stayed on the ground too long, crying and screaming – BOOM, a Mom miraculously appeared out of nowhere.

Some crafty Mom probably even saw your first kiss.

Fred’s Mom sees Joey kissing Sally. No big deal, as long as that’s all he was doing! And Fred’s Mom would report the news back to all the other Moms. For Joey’s birthday, his Mom would cunningly ask, “Are you going to invite Sally to your Birthday party?” To which little Joey replied, “Aw, Mom, do I have to?”

Moms back then knew everything.

Church on Sunday’s was where all the Moms met to discuss – who’s going to be home and on which days, who’s checking the parks, playgrounds, which Dad was on Spy duty, train new Moms, and make sure there weren't any holes in their Super Spy Network   

It is true, when I was only 6 years old, that on any day in the summer, except Sunday, I could go over to Bob’s house, walk in the back door, because it was never locked, and I’d see his Mom cooking breakfast – bacon, eggs, and pancakes. She’d say, “Hi, Jimmy. Go wake Bob up, breakfast is almost ready.”

 

For those who were lucky enough to live in such a neighborhood, it truly was an amazing and peaceful time. Carefree and without worry.

 

It's 10pm - do you know where your kids are?

To all the Moms and Dads, who made sure we were safe, THANK YOU!

 

-jk-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Drama of Finding a Publishing Agent

The joy of typing 'the end' is just the beginning of an author’s nightmare.

 

The mean streets of publishing; it's where everyone shoots from the hip, and it's fast and furious. Today, you have a hot story that begs to be read. Tomorrow, your words are meaningless. Buckle up Cowboy, your story is a dime a dozen.

Back when I jumped into the deep end of the literary world without a life preserver, I discovered there were many quirks and peculiarities about traditional publishing that were baffling. Publishing agents were definitely at the top of the list of people who befuddled me the most.

I needed someone to publish my awesome story, though poorly written, and did what most first-time neurotic writers probably do, I browsed through the list of publishing agents. Here is a small sample of what I found.

 

~Would love to see some contemporary and fantasy pieces hit my inbox!

~We are actively seeking upmarket and commercial Fiction, Magic Realism, Science Fiction, and Fantasy.

~Looking for science fiction, fantasy, paranormal/urban fantasy!

~YA fantasy, killer world building, complicated characters, unique settings.

 

The last one seemed perfect for the novel I wrote. However, as I read how to submit a manuscript, weird thoughts raced through my mind. It felt like I was about to make a drug deal and the publishing agents were high powered drug lords, who occasionally visited back alleys in search of some new exotic drug to sell. At the time, I thought to myself, wow this is perfect! I had a drug (manuscript), and I am looking for a buyer (publishing agent). I found out quickly, peddling my drug to the highest bidder was not how the system worked.

The drug lords weren’t stupid. They wanted the good stuff – a drug that had marketable street cred, but I had no idea how good my drug was, and thus the reason why I was seeking a professional agent.

To make matters worse, the drug lords (agents) wanted a query letter via email, no attachments, 2–3-page synopsis, and include 5-10 pages of the manuscript in the body of the email. Do not query more than one drug lord at the agency (syndicate) simultaneously. Due to the high volume of submissions, agents (mobsters, thugs, gangsters) will reach out to you directly if interested. The typical time range for consideration is 6-8 weeks. (Some said 1-6 months) DAM! What in the hell should I do while I wait? And what if my drug (manuscript) gets rejected after I waited all that time? (Insert curse words here.)

 

This type of system is brutal!

 

Yes, it is mentally exhausting!

 

When you're alone, you're the boss of you.

How do I feel now, well, the thought of seeking out an agent still makes me feel like a two-bit drug dealer. I got crates of words (manuscripts), and I’d happily sell them all in a garage sale for pennies. 

 

With that being said, I do have sympathy for all the publishing agents. We now live in a world where everyone wants to be heard. (That was me, 13 years ago) Thankfully or not, the internet and social media has given the ‘would-be-future-authors’ an outlet to share their every thought to the world, and they overwhelm the publishing agents. (Insert music – Sympathy for the Devil, by the Rolling Stones)

 

On the other hand, the crazy, unfair traditional publishing system did give birth to independent publishing, which now runs rampant and there is no stopping it – it is the current lottery ticket to fame and fortune if you have the means and the know-how.

 

Indie Authors becoming a NY Times Best Seller is a 1 in a billion chance, but it is a chance.

 

Tip of the Day: Fiction is always about the story, but find someone who has the ability to make your story readable, perhaps, an editor? (I really dislike editors, but they are a necessary evil.)

 

 -jk-

Bucket List

Bucket List: a list of things a person wants to achieve or experience before they reach a certain age.

Everyone’s bucket list is different, and I suspect they are significantly distinct from generation to generation. 

The older you become, the Bucket List changes with each passing year, and they are things that are usually impossible.

Traveling, acquiring money, meeting someone famous, or becoming famous is probably on a lot of lists. *yawn*

My list is short, and not because I have done a great many things in my life, but now it's more about the unattainable. Besides, anything on the list, short of impossible, would simply be pointless at my age. Essentially, my bucket list is sort of like a regret list; stuff I should have done or thought to do when I was younger. If any item on my list happens, I hope it happens before I am too old to appreciate it.

 

Here is my list:

1. I would like to drive a fire truck just once. When I was in the military, I had a license to drive every vehicle they had, except one, a fire truck. (It could still happen.)

2. Speak at the UN to share my secret to the world. (Doubtful)

3. Have a backyard BBQ that lasts 2-3 weeks. (Maybe?)

4. Write something so ridiculously profound that current and future Artificial Intelligence would be incapable of defining. (You never know.)

5. Fly in a fighter jet. (We all have that one big dream.)

The first one is still doable, 2, 3, and 4 are unlikely, and 5 is a fantasy dream. The BBQ would be awesome if famous people I like attended and stayed the whole time. As for speaking at the UN, I doubt any change would come of it, but it sure would be entertaining to see everyone’s reaction.

That’s it for my list. I would have included winning the lottery, but money makes me crazy. Fame doesn’t excite me either nor does traveling around the world just to see stuff.

 

The genie in my lamp left and lives in a condo in Florida

Wisdom for the young: do what makes you happy, and it is better to act on your dreams instead of waiting for three wishes from a genie in a magic lamp.

 

Have Nice Day and be a Loving Red Cricket or a Humble Turquois Panther Next Week!

jk