Lazy Liar Saturday

Being retired allows me to sit and think about unimportant things. On this lazy Saturday, I was a thinking about my whimsical ability to lie, and how it relates to my current situation as a novice fantasy fiction writer.

I was a darn good liar back in the day, but I went to a Catholic grade school, where I was constantly reminded that nothing good comes from telling a lie. (I choose to believe, I was simply nurturing my future fictional writing skills.)   

I learned early on that the art of telling a good lie is all about how well I elaborated the lie and my determination to stick to it, no matter what!

 

This guy would never ever tell a lie!

Moving to the present, as I sit here hypothesizing about lying and what it takes to be a good fantasy writer, I be presuming there are certain ingredients necessary: imagination and the ability weave a story into believability.

There’s a fine line between being a good liar and a good story teller. A liar by definition is a fabricator of the facts or a person who makes stuff up to deceive. A story teller makes stuff up with intent to entertain, and a liar coerces listeners into believing altered facts, thus making you a liar and story teller at the same time.

Now with that being said, it brings me to the two predicaments on my plate. One, I am not an English specialist, and therefore it hinders making my stories readable. Two, how to make something so unbelievable sound believable that Hollywood wants to make it into a movie?   

(Yes, I have heard of the thing called an editor, but every time I try to contact one now, they don't return my calls. It’s probably because they still remember the time I punched an editor in the face over the phone. I warned him I could and would do it, but he didn’t think I could.)

As for audio books, my Frog-sounding voice would scare the villagers. I know, I could hire someone to do the speaking, but I have yet to acquire the skill of crapping $100 bills out my arse.

 

Um, . . . a, . . . that thing about punching an editor is a lie.

 

A believable lie or story should weave both fact and fiction, which increases the attraction of the story being told, or as I like call it, embellishing the truth.

“Liar, Liar, pants on fire!” I never understood what that meant, until the paddle struck my rear end after one of my whooper sized tales, or, . . a, . . . lies.

Calling someone a liar can cause a ruckus and you best be prepared prove the accusation.

Nowadays, I try hard to abstain from telling a lie, and regret it when I do, and sadly I still maintain the lie as long as possible. (Please, don’t judge me, I go to meetings. That’s a lie.)

I might be liar, but I prefer being called, ‘Story Teller Extraordinaire’  that sure do sound better, eh?

My stance on this subject is this, 2+2 = 5, as  I am constantly seeking new ways to be original, while stretching the boundaries of experimental truth. I intentionally abuse the fabulous realm of language; my playground of infinite possibilities. I am ‘sharer.’ I like to share the thoughts inside my head, even if they’re not entirely the truth.

 

Nicomachean Ethics: "At the right times, about the right things, towards the right people, for the right end, and in the right way.”

 

“Mr. Kafka?”

“Yes, jimmy?”

“Did you lie about us getting ice cream when you were done?”

“No! I would never lie about ice cream.”

“Sweet!”

 

 -jk-