Monday, November 18, 2024

Simple Marriage Wisdom

 

                          Marriage

 

Marriage is a form of ignorant presumption; it occurs when two people with no experience, no expertise, and no ability suddenly assume they have superior expertise and ability concerning the everlasting commitment they are about to make prior to getting married. This overestimation happens because they don’t have enough knowledge about marriage to know they don’t have enough knowledge.

From the moment you are married and every morning after, the uncertainty that follows every day is an adventure filled with smiles and tears in unequal amounts and always when you least expect them.

Don’t ever attempt to contemplate the commitment of marriage, you joyfully promised on your memorable day, for more than five minutes. The more you think about it, the more you begin to play the crazy game of ‘What If’ every time you look at your spouse.


Bugs, Monsters, and Critters all Fear Me!


The simple truth about marriage is knowing the correct moment when to say, ‘yes or no,’ and the correct moment is never actually correct, it is merely the beginning of a long conversation that hopefully ends in a compromise.


After 45 years, 16,437 days, I am still married to the same person.


I have lived the Dunning and Kruger Effect long before they ever thought about it.


j/k

Saturday, October 19, 2024

Halloween Horror Story

 

Grandma Bea’s Special Cookies

 

     Grandma Bea’s house was quaint and filled with the everlasting smell of freshly baked cookies.

     She was a small, old woman, but she had the endurance and strength of an ox, and her voice was soft and welcoming. “Would you like to bake some cookies, just like my mother used to make?” she gently asked her two visiting grandchildren, Billy, and Maddie.

     They both excitedly shouted, “Yes!” and hurried to the kitchen.

     On the kitchen table, all the ingredients for the Special Cookies were neatly arranged.

     Billy exclaimed, “I want to make them!” Maddie anxiously added, “Me too, Me too!”

     Grandma chuckled at their childish exuberance. “Of course, you both can. But I will add the ingredients into the bowl. Billy, you can mix it up. And Maddie, when Billy is done, you can use the spoon to scoop the dough and place it on the pan.”   

     Grandma Bea eased the ingredients into the bowl: Ground cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, ginger, brown sugar, butter, eggs, and flour. Billy wildly mixed it all up and when he finished, Maddie meticulously gathered up small portions with the spoon and placed them on the large pan – thirteen scoops. Grandma Bea then took out a small vile from her apron and lightly sprinkled the contents over each one of the thirteen cookies.  


YUK!!!!


     “What’s that?” Billy and Maddie simultaneously asked.

     “Grandma’s special ingredient,” she answered.

     “Does it make the cookies taste extra delicious?” asked Maddie.

     “Absolutely!” exclaimed Grandma Bea.

     The children’s eyes widened with hopeful anticipation.

     Grandma Bea took the pan, placed it in the preheated oven, then sat down and told the children the cookies will be ready in 20 minutes.

     “What do you call these cookies?” Billy asked.

     Maddie chimed in at the same time with a question of her own. “Did you make cookies like these with your mother?”

     She politely answered, “Billy, their called Hallows' Day cookies, and Maddie, I can’t believe how the years have passed! It seems like just yesterday I was sitting right here with my mother making cookies like we are. You both have grown so big, and so fast.”

     Grandma Bea yattered on about nothing important to pass the time while they waited, and the children politely listened without interrupting. Finally, the bell on the oven rang. The cookies were ready!

     Grandma Bea took the pan from the oven and set it on the counter. Using a spatula, she placed one cookie each on a plate and served them to the children.

     The children were so excited, they didn’t wait for the cookies to cool. They gobbled them up as fast as they could. In less than ten seconds, both Billy and Maddie collapsed unconscious onto the floor. Grandma Bea bent down and checked their pulse – both were dead.

     “Perfect!” said Grandma Bea.

     She grabbed the children by the hair and dragged them out back. She then picked up her chainsaw and diced them up into chunks to feed them to her four hell hounds in the root cellar.


Grandma Bea Enraged!


     The next day, Billy and Maddie’s parents came by to pick them up. Grandma told them they were playing out back and offered them the cookies they had made, while she would go and fetch the children. When she returned, both parents lay dead on the floor. They too were sliced and diced.

     One month later, two police officers knocked on Grandma Bea’s door. The officers said they wanted to ask her some questions about a missing family, specifically her family – her daughter, the husband, and the children.

     “I haven’t talked to them in years,” Grandma Bea replied and invited the officers inside. “No one cares about us old folks. I’m a burden to them, or so it seems.”

     Grandma Bea offered the officers some cookies before they could ask any questions, which they accepted. And yes, within a few seconds, they too were dead, and were subjected to the same fate. After she finished hacking them up, she moved their police car down the road so no one would know they were ever there.

     Year after year, Grandma Bea continued making a batch of her special cookies, and occasionally, people mysteriously vanished.

 

Moral of the Story: Call your Grandmother often and visit your Grandmother at least once a year, and not to just drop off your kids because you need a babysitter, otherwise the cookies she sends you might leave a bad taste in your mouth or worse.


Happy Halloween Spooky Goblins and Ghouls!!



j/k