Saturday, February 25, 2017

Suicide Note: An Indie Writers Nightmare

Every morning, I sit and sip my coffee, light coffin nails, and stare blankly at the computer monitor, which has become a daily ritual for the last two months, while pondering over whether or not I should click the publish button for my fourth book?

To be or not to be swirls inside my head. I know I'm a coward.

As I pondered, it occurred to me that a suicide note has a better chance of being read than a fantasy novel written by an unknown indie author. The average number of books sold by first time indie authors are extremely low; 25-50 copies. Indie authors will also spend large sums of money to publish their work. A suicide note cost nothing, well, almost nothing. 

I titter nervously wondering what should I do. Start working on a fifth book, a blog post, or perhaps write a suicide note? Thinking . . . . .

A suicide blog post!!!  Yeah, that sounds like a winner!

Sad, isn’t it, that a suicide note attracts more attention than a well thought out novel that took over a year to write? Makes sense I suppose, a suicide note is brief and to the point, and no more than a summation of final thoughts, though they can be a bit eerie. People like brief and eerie. Reading a novel requires a commitment. Making a commitment is intimidating. Suicide notes are never intimidating. People don’t like to be intimidated.

I know what you’re thinking – what additive do I put in the coffee I drink? Sadly, only sugar.

Dear Friends,

Today, my right index finger committed suicide. The pressure of clicking or not clicking the publish button was too much for one finger to bear. To those of you who remember the finger as a loving and caring soul, do not weep, it has gone to a far better place. The finger leaves behind seven other fingers and two thumbs. The note it wrote was brief and indicative of the torment it had experienced.

Rest in Peace old friend 

The note: jimmy, I’ll always love you, but I cannot suffer through another day of Mr. Kafka’s indecision. It’s more than any finger should have to endure. Dude, get out while you still can, he’s insane!

To all the wonderful people in the world, put down your iPhones for 1 hour a day and read an indie book – you just might save a suicidal finger.

Spreading the love to France, Poland, Germany, Philippines, and Hungary. Be a purple cow and dance by the light of the moon. 

Write like you mean it and use plenty of punctuation. ! ? : ; ' ",