Sunday, October 23, 2016


Nope, we ain’t talking about a hot iron put to the backside of a cow or a tattoo. We'll be discussing people branding today, otherwise known as – Image Personification for Humans!

I came in for a pedicure and I got branded!

The functionality and purpose for people branding: Connect favorably with people so that people will like you enough to buy whatever you’re selling. 

Being positive and energetic is a good thing. People like go-getters. Being yourself is also a good thing, but don’t be yourself. Be somebody who everybody likes. Be agreeable. Be smart. People like smart people, but not too smart. Arrogantly smart is a turn-off. 

Honesty is important. People generally don’t like a liar. It’s okay to write fantastical lies, (fiction novels), but when selling yourself, it's wise to tell the truth.  

Me, I’m a bad thing. I write a cynical and sarcastic blog, but I also write thought-provoking fantasy adventure novels. It's like hot and cold water mixed together, you get lukewarm. That’s my brand: Lukewarm with a touch of thought-provoking sarcasm.

Be prepared to change your brand if necessary. I know, change is a scary word. But that’s what branding is all about, searching, changing, and adjusting until you find your adorable and captivating brand; the sweet spot that attracts customers.

Oh, whatever your selling, it has to be at least partially good, partially unique, or uniquely good. Crap sells too, if you have an awesome brand and a team of marketing experts.

Don’t be annoying.

Example: Repeatedly screaming – PLEASE BUY MY BOOKS! I worked really hard on them. You’ll love them. Blah, Blah, Blah!

Pounding your product into the mind of the customer is acceptable, but it can sometimes be terribly annoying. People don’t like to be annoyed. People like to be entertained. Mix it up. Adapt. Change. Reconstruct.

If your brand ain’t cuttin’ the mustard, change your name, move to another country, and write a book on how to properly weave horse hair into dinner place mats. I have already changed my name 27 times, moved to 15 different countries, and I write fantasy novels. I haven’t given up just yet. Constantly creating and thinking of something new and different.

Silly, schizophrenic, and sarcastically annoying is not a good brand. I speak from experience. I lost the genetic lottery, but I won the race to the egg, so I got that going for me. 

But I own it! 

Find a brand that works best for you. Once you find your brand – OWN IT BABY! Take the ball and run. Score! Fly like an eagle. Get excited. Go Crazy.  


"Yes, Mr. Kafka?"

"King Kong is at the front door, he says you have his zombie Barbie."

"No! It's mine!"

"Whatever, I'm headed to the tavern. I need a drink."

Soon it will be Monday and then Tuesday. The names change, but the hours, minutes, and seconds remain the same. The pinnacle of redundancy.


Saturday, October 15, 2016

Shaken to the Core

Tis the season to be jolly. Politicians making a last-ditch effort to win your vote, spewing out inspirational words to stir a nation. That be what politicians do best. I always thought that they were supposed to govern in the best interest of the people. HAHAHAHA!  

President Grover Cleveland - "Where's the Bacon!"

Let’s have a look at the inspirational slogans of the past and present (You’ll notice there are a lot of similarities, originality, and silliness.)

1864   "Don't trade horses in midstream" Abraham Lincoln.

1872   "Grant Us Another Term" Ulysses S. Grant

1920   "Return to Normalcy" Warren G. Harding

1924   "Keep Cool and Keep Coolidge" Calvin Coolidge.

1932   "Happy Days Are Here Again" Franklin D. Roosevelt.

1944   "Don't swap horses in midstream" Franklin D. Roosevelt

1960   "A time for greatness” John F. Kennedy

1964   "All the way with LBJ" Lyndon B. Johnson

1968   "Some People Talk Change, Others Cause It" Hubert Humphrey

1976   "He’s making us proud again" Gerald Ford

1980   "Let's Make America Great Again" Ronald Reagan

1988   "Kinder, Gentler Nation" George H. W. Bush

1992   "It's Time to Change America" Bill Clinton

1996   "Building a bridge to the twenty-first century" Bill Clinton

2000   "Reformer with Results" George W. Bush

2004   "Let America Be America Again" John Kerry

2008   "Yes We Can""Change We Can Believe In""Change We Need" Barack Obama

2008   "Ready for Change, Ready to Lead" Hillary Clinton

2012   "Believe in America" Mitt Romney

2016   "A Future To Believe In" Bernie Sanders

2016   "Make America Great Again!" Donald Trump

2016   "Hillary For America" Hillary Clinton

Inspirational slogans are inspiring, but presidential sex scandals, they are a horse of a different color.

Here are a few of the more popular Presidential Sex Scandals that shook us to the very core!

Thomas Jefferson and Sally Hemings
Grover Cleveland and Maria Halpin
Woodrow Wilson and Edith Bolling
Warren Harding and Carrie Phillips and Nan Britton
Franklin Roosevelt and Lucy Mercer
Dwight Eisenhower and Kay Summersby
John F. Kennedy and Judith Exner and Marlene Dietrich and Marilyn Monroe
Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky

jimmy for President! A candidate who will finally make us proud of America. 

I Promise to do Nothing. Transparency is Transparent! 

2016 “Corruption is Expected!” “Change is Inevitable!” "Citizenship for all Fictional Characters!" "Authors Unite!" "A President You Can't Count On!"  jimmy for President!

Don’t worry, be happy. Soon this will all be over and then we can go back to our simple lives of complaining and moaning about more important things. 

Have a Great Day and Vote as often as you can!


Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Thing is Neutral

What can be a thing will be a thing when what makes a thing a thing becomes a thing. But never can a thing be a thing unless someone decides to make it a thing. If no one notices that it is a thing it cannot be a thing. If no one cares it is a thing after it becomes a thing, then it ceases to be a thing. However, when a thing is a thing, it remains a thing despite newer things becoming a thing. Things will always happen and things will always be said. The size of a thing determines if you should care about it being a real thing to care about, because the size of a thing is what really matters. Little things are things that grow up to be big things. 

I was once a real Thing, but now I am an extinct Thing.

Words are the thing that allows us to communicate our inner most things. Use them wisely, because there is no safety mechanism to stop our mouth from going off and offending someone with words.

Someday, every word will be extinct, because people will considered them all to be offensive, except for 'thing'. Thing will always be a Thing and it can never be anything else but a Thing. Thing is neutral and that's a good thing. 


Monday, October 3, 2016

On the Road and Back

It’s Monday! Yippee! I love Mondays.

Traveling, family obligations, and conventions are finally done! (For now) At long last, I can get back to writing, because it's Monday! Nothing bad ever happens on a Monday and no one ever bothers me on a Monday. 

What could go wrong on a Monday?

CRAP! Internet went out!!! Ahhhhhh! *&!@&!^&!%  Of course the internet went down today. Been gone for 2 weeks and now it decides to go out!!!

*knock knock* 

At last! The Cable guy! 1 hour gone.  Internet restored. *whew*

*knock knock*

Cable quality assurance dude. 10 minutes later. *Ugh*

*knock knock*

Neighbor asking how my weekend went at the convention.  2 hours wasted.

*ring ring*

Cable Company Survey. ARGH!

I love Mondays!

As for the convention, (ArchonSTL) it was great! Met several brilliant authors, and I sat in on a lot panels. Conventions are fun, and they can be informative. Unfortunately, this year I did not take any pictures. The three best panels I attended were:

Sword-Fighting Demo for Writers, panelist – Brad Cook, Cole Gibsen, David Lucas, and Michael Williamson. Excellent information about ‘real’ sword fighting and not Hollywood over-imagined sword fighting.

Writing Realistic Combat, panelist – Cole Gibsen, Richard White, Adrian Matthews, Kasey Mackenzie, and Michels Joy. Great insight on how to better write a fight scene.

Avoiding Writer’s Block, panelist – David Pedersen, Jack Snyder, Mark Tiedemann, Allison Stein, and Elizabeth Donald. Outstanding tips on how to work through the demon known as writer’s block.

Two weeks ago, I traveled to Omaha. Fantastic, nice little-big city to visit.

Back to writing, maybe, as long as no one else bothers me again. 

Have a Great Week!