Winds of Change in the Age Age
An
international court of Shamans ruled that the Arctic High Mammoth warrior’s failure
to adequately tackle the Dinosaur crisis is in violation of Amalgamated Cave-People
human rights. The landmark Dinosaur judgment could have a ripple effect across
the globe.
 |
| Shamans taking a selfie after their ruling |
The Shamans
Court of Amalgamated Cave-People Human Rights, in a cave somewhere near the Dead
Summit Mountains, delivered its ruling against the Arctic High Mammoth warriors,
in a case brought by more than 2,000 Flowers of Pure Snow women, the majority
of whom are members of the Bitter as a Berry Tribe. They argued that Dinosaur’s
undermined their health and quality of life, and put them at risk of dying.
The Shamans
ruled that the Arctic High Mammoth warriors had violated some of the women’s
human rights due to “critical gaps” in its routine hunting expeditions to
reduce the Dinosaur population, as well as a failure to train new warriors.
This
amounted to a breach of the women’s rights to effective protection from the
“the serious adverse effects of human-eating-dinosaurs on their lives, health,
well-being and quality of life,” the Shamans said in a statement.
It marks
the first time the Shamans have ruled on Dinosaur litigation. Furthermore,
there is no right of appeal and the judgment is legally binding.
The
Arctic High Mammoth warriors will now have to give the women first dibs on the
prime cuts of meat for 1 year.
Sheena,
from the Flowers of Pure Snow women lawyers’ organization, Loves Shiny Things,
said, "This result from the Shaman high court sends a clear message: warriors
must take real action to keep women safe while they pick berries and fetch
water.”
“Today’s
rulings against the Arctic High Mammoth warriors sets a historic precedent that
applies to all warrior hunter tribes,” Wolfman Jonger, a lawyer at Thunder That
Rolls Over Clouds Network, which supported the case, said in a statement. “It
means that all hunters must urgently revise their expeditions so that they are
science-based and guarantees safety for the women. This is a massive win for
all berry pickers.”
In other news, a group of dinosaurs have hired a lawyer.
-jk-
