The Drama of Finding a Publishing Agent

The joy of typing 'the end' is just the beginning of an author’s nightmare.

 

The mean streets of publishing; it's where everyone shoots from the hip, and it's fast and furious. Today, you have a hot story that begs to be read. Tomorrow, your words are meaningless. Buckle up Cowboy, your story is a dime a dozen.

Back when I jumped into the deep end of the literary world without a life preserver, I discovered that there were many quirks and peculiarities about traditional publishing that were baffling. Publishing agents were definitely at the top of the list of people who befuddled me the most.

I needed someone to publish my awesome story, though poorly written, and did what most first-time neurotic writers probably do, I browsed through the list of publishing agents. Here is a small sample of what I found.

 

~Would love to see some contemporary and fantasy pieces hit my inbox!

~We are actively seeking upmarket and commercial Fiction, Magic Realism, Science Fiction, and Fantasy.

~Looking for science fiction, fantasy, paranormal/urban fantasy!

~YA fantasy, killer world building, complicated characters, unique settings.

 

The last one seemed perfect for the novel I wrote. However, as I read how to submit a manuscript, weird thoughts raced through my mind. It felt like I was about to make a drug deal and the publishing agents were high powered drug lords, who occasionally visited back alleys in search of some new exotic drug to sell. At the time, I thought to myself, wow this is perfect! I had a drug (manuscript), and I am looking for a buyer (publishing agent). I found out quickly, peddling my drug to the highest bidder was not how the system worked.

The drug lords weren’t stupid. They wanted the good stuff – a drug that had marketable street cred, but I had no idea how good my drug was, and thus the reason why I was seeking a professional agent.

To make matters worse, the drug lords (agents) wanted a query letter via email, no attachments, 2–3-page synopsis, and include 5-10 pages of the manuscript in the body of the email. Do not query more than one drug lord at the agency (syndicate) simultaneously. Due to the high volume of submissions, agents (mobsters, thugs, gangsters) will reach out to you directly if interested. The typical time range for consideration is 6-8 weeks. (Some said 1-6 months) DAM! What in the hell should I do while I wait? And what if my drug (manuscript) gets rejected after I waited all that time? (Insert curse words here.)

 

This type of system is brutal!

 

Yes, it is mentally exhausting!

 

When you're alone, you're the boss of you.

How do I feel now, well, the thought of seeking out an agent still makes me feel like a two-bit drug dealer. I got crates of words (manuscripts), and I’d happily sell them all in a garage sale for pennies. 

 

With that being said, I do have sympathy for all the publishing agents. We now live in a world where everyone wants to be heard. (That was me, 13 years ago) Thankfully or not, the internet and social media has given the ‘would-be-future-authors’ an outlet to share their every thought to the world, and they overwhelm the publishing agents. (Insert music – Sympathy for the Devil, by the Rolling Stones)

 

On the other hand, the crazy, unfair traditional publishing system did give birth to independent publishing, which now runs rampant and there is no stopping it – it is the current lottery ticket to fame and fortune if you have the means and the know-how.

 

Indie Authors becoming a NY Times Best Seller is a 1 in a billion chance, but it is a chance.

 

Tip of the Day: Fiction is always about the story, but find someone who has the ability to make your story readable, perhaps, an editor? (I really dislike editors, but they are a necessary evil.)

 

 -jk-

Bucket List

Bucket List: a list of things a person wants to achieve or experience before they reach a certain age.

Everyone’s bucket list is different, and I suspect they are significantly distinct from generation to generation. 

The older you become, the Bucket List changes with each passing year, and they are things that are usually impossible.

Traveling, acquiring money, meeting someone famous, or becoming famous is probably on a lot of lists. *yawn*

My list is short, and not because I have done a great many things in my life, but it's more about the unattainable. Besides, anything on the list, short of the impossible, would simply be pointless at my age. Essentially, my bucket list is sort of like a regret list; stuff I should have done or thought to do when I was younger. If any item on my list happens, I hope it happens before I am too old to appreciate it.

 

Here is my list:

1. I would like to drive a fire truck just once. When I was in the military, I had a license to drive every vehicle they had, except one, a fire truck. (It could still happen.)

2. Speak at the UN to share my secret to the world. (Doubtful)

3. Have a backyard BBQ that lasts 2-3 weeks. (Maybe?)

4. Write something so ridiculously profound that current and future Artificial Intelligence would be incapable of defining. (You never know.)

5. Fly in a fighter jet. (We all have that one big dream.)

The first one is still doable, 2, 3, and 4 are unlikely, and 5 is a fantasy dream. The BBQ would be awesome if famous people I like attended and stayed the whole time. As for speaking at the UN, I doubt any change would come of it, but it sure would be entertaining to see everyone’s reaction.

That’s it for my list. I would have included winning the lottery, but money makes me crazy. Fame doesn’t excite me either nor does traveling around the world just to see stuff.

 

The genie in my lamp left and lives in a condo in Florida

Wisdom for the young: do what makes you happy, and it is better to act on your dreams instead of waiting for three wishes from a genie in a magic lamp.

 

Have Nice Day and be a Loving Red Cricket or a Humble Turquois Panther Next Week!

jk